Starting October 1st, I began a 21 day personal journey through the Gospel of John. I am going to read one chapter each day and focus on intentional prayers. I didn’t see this or read this anywhere and it is not part of some larger movement…it’s just something I am deciding to do for me.
Why the Gospel of John? Well I can honestly say that I’ve never really connected at a heart level with the 4 Gospels like I want to. Sounds crazy right? Yeah I think so too. The Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) are all accounts of the very steps that Jesus took in the sand, the miracles he performed, and the people he met and loved. They tell the story of his ministry. I mean I’ve connected with the story and message of Jesus, but I’ve felt like some of the passages and parables are just too hard to grasp. And a few of them are just kind of strange to me I guess. I always end up going to the letters first, like Ephesians, Colossians, Hebrews, James. I often feel distant from the Gospels. Like they are just history that teaches me about the Jesus that I know personally through other books in the Bible. I know it sounds crazy.
But I want to grow deeper in love with Jesus. That’s my goal. I want to seek him and find him like he says we will if we seek with all our heart.
The reason I’m blogging about it is to put additional accountability around it to help me stay on course but also to give myself an opportunity to be transparent, and here’s what I mean by that…
If you are following people like I follow on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, blogs, etc I would imagine it’s easy for you (just like me) to fall into thoughts of comparison to the spirituality you see in others. I know I feel it. Sometimes I just get sick of reading about how great everyone else is doing when I feel like I can’t even get my quiet times consistent. It seems like some people without even realizing it portray their lives as really super put-together and polished. They aren’t doing anything wrong and they all probably have pure hearts. It’s about my own heart I think. All that to say…my reason in blogging about this is not to make anyone feel less than…but to do just the opposite. To let you in on a secret about me. Lean in close. I can’t seem to get control of my spiritual life lately. I am a pastor’s wife, on staff at an awesome church, been a Christian since I was 10 years old. But I just don’t have the closeness and friendship with Jesus now that I’ve had in the past.
One thing I have learned in my short 32 years that this thing is not about how many days in a row you “perform” well by doing all the right things. It’s about being in love with Jesus. There is grace around every corner because He is just that wonderful.
What I really want to accomplish through this is to see him and hear his voice again. I want to be near him. That’s how I know I’m his and this whole thing is real. Because I know Him. So join me if you like. Structure helps for a season. I’ll be reading a chapter a day and praying some specific prayers for my own personal life and ministry. If you do join, I’d love to hear how it goes for you and what you see when you get a glimpse into his eyes, or what you hear when he whispers something you needed to know.