Dear Ella: A Letter from Mommy at Age 7

Ella my dear, you are becoming more and more beautiful every day. I cannot believe you are turning 7 years old! That seems like a very high number that used to be WAY in the future and now its here. This might actually be the first year I will sit you down and read to you these words I’m writing. I think you’ll love it. You really love to hear Daddy and I tell stories of when you were born (it is quite a story) and what you were like as a baby. It makes you feel special and I love that because you are more special to me than you’ll ever know.

You are maturing so much. I can’t believe the difference between the kindergarten Ella and the first grade Ella. Wow, we can really reason with you and talk to you like a big kid and you can handle it! (Most of the time). It’s really nice. The other day Andrew was playing with his new tractor that has a scooper and a forklift attachment. He love the forklift but that thing will not stay on. He was in the family room playing and I was at the table with you girls. I was helping Avery with homework and you were coloring. There was a period of time when Andrew’s forklift would fall off, he would scream, you would fix it for him and come back to the table, and then the whole scene would repeat again 2 min later. Probably 10 times in a row and you and I would just look at each other and smile. You are so sweet and I love how you care for your little brother and sister.

You are such a good helper. You love to help make snack or dinner and you also LOVE to wash dishes. I think you’re getting pretty good at it too! You can flip pancakes and make macaroni and crack eggs. Pretty soon you’ll be doing it all and the other kids will come and ask you for food instead of me or daddy!

For your birthday party you want a Lion King movie viewing with PJs and Pizza. Just like your SING party last year. All you need to be happy is a couch and a good movie. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree(s) I suppose!

You are very much into the idea of getting your own pet bunny. You probably started talking about it 2 years ago and I thought for sure it would wear off, that you’d get over it or forget about it. Well, you have not. You keep bringing it up and when we went to the pet store with Nonna and Poppa a couple weeks ago you got to go in and pet a bunny. That just made it worse. So I told you that in order to talk about having a pet like this you’d need to keep your room clean for 6 months. Problem solved.

You are also really becoming interested in fishing. So daddy got you a fishing pole for your birthday and has scheduled a date to take you fishing in a couple of weeks. That is going to be so fun for both of you. Not sure if it will stick long term, but I do know that you’ll be making memories with your daddy that are priceless.

Before we know it you are going to be asking for the keys and having boy problems and wanting a job. I love our lives right now, you are so precious and innocent and I wish it could last forever. But I know you have a good head on your shoulders and a solid foundation. You have such a soft and loving heart. You love Jesus and are learning more about his ways and how to know him. I can’t wait to see who you become, and how you bring your beauty to the world around you. You and I are going to have lots of long talks, and I’ll always be here for you no matter what.  You are my only ever first baby. And you always will be.

 

 

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“Goodbye for Now” to My Best Childhood Cousin-Friend

Yesterday I woke up to find the text messages on my phone that stop your heart. There were three in a row from my mom so I knew immediately something had happened. I saw the last one first “Kendall, Kyle passed away a while ago. Call me when you are up. . .”

As the details unfolded for me I came to learn that apparently he had stopped breathing in his sleep. He was just a bit younger than me.

Kyle was walking a hard road. He had been dealing with unfortunate problems and chronic pain in his arm and hand for a long time. This pain eliminated his dream of being a pilot, and not only that it was severely impairing his quality of life, especially in the last 6 months. At the time he died he was in Los Angeles with his wife and 2 young kids as well as his mom, my aunt Carolyn. They were staying in a hotel because Kyle had traveled there to see a specialist and was recovering from a procedure the doctor had done to help his pain.

Kyle I just want you to know I am so thrilled for you that you have no more pain! I know we hadn’t kept in touch recently and we had our own lives, but I had so much fun with you when we were growing up. Some of my best ever memories of the Coosa River involve me and you in camo gear traipsing through the woods building forts and exploring uncharted territory. We would play outside ALL DAY, canoe over to the islands, skip rocks, make our parents hearts skip a beat on the rope swing, climb the waterfall, eat lunch in our swimsuits, ski behind the elvis boat, and see how many of us we could cram onto one of those water biscuit things. Aunt Jo was the most reckless driver of all, wasn’t she? Ha. We loved her new boat but there will always be a place in our hearts for granddaddy’s elvis boat.

I remember the time we were out in the canoe and someone came out in the elvis boat to toe us in, and then that boat ran out of gas. We called a fishing boat near by and he toed our line of 3 all the way in. Me and you were in the canoe trying to go straight but the rope would fall on one side or the other and we kept going side to side! It took forever to get back in!

And how about the time we camped outside in Selma? That may have been my very first time camping, and you and me wore our head-to-toe camo and our space center mesh ball caps. I woke up that morning and had to pee so bad I couldn’t stand it but I was afraid to walk back up to the house by myself. I guess I finally did or else I would have floated away! We rode on the red tractor and played on the swing outside in selma. We went swimming in Miss Carrie’s pool. We ate at McDonalds because you loved it, and I distinctly remember a meal at Pizza Hut where you ate so much you were moaning and moaning but someone said something about ice cream and you said you had saved a little spot! You ALWAYS had room for ice cream and you never had a shortage of drama. Makes me laugh just thinking about it.

I’ll miss you my friend . . . I’m so thankful for the memories we have and the forts we built together. I know you’re on the biggest adventure of your life right now and loving every minute. Our God is a brilliant creator and you must be bursting with joy and anticipation for your family to experience what you’re experiencing now. Love you Kyle!

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When You Can’t Trace His Hand . . .

This morning I read Exodus 2, the story of when Moses was born. The first 10 verses of that chapter impact me so deeply now that I have a baby. Moses was supposed to be killed because Pharoah had issued the order that all Hebrew boys were to be executed when they were born. How evil is that!? Moses’ mom hid him and in order to protect him she put him in a basket and placed him in the reeds by Pharoah’s house. I believe she was hoping someone from the household would find him and he would be safe. Sure enough, Pharoah’s daughter saw him and when she picked him up she fell in love with his little face and wanted to raise him herself. Moses’ mom cleverly sent his sister around to say “Hey, this a Hebrew baby, do you want me to go find a Hebrew woman to nurse him?” The plan worked and Moses was nursed by his own mother. And she was paid to do it!

Can you imagine the joy of being reunited with your own baby to nurse him for several years, and then have to give him back to someone else to raise him? I can cry just thinking about it. What things was she whispering to him during those first years? What did she want him to learn from her before he had to go? What songs did she sing him in those intimate moments? Was she the beginning of his strong faith in God as a grown man?

It made me think about my parents, and in my mind the words of a song started playing. It was a song they used to sing in church. That’s right, my parents used to sing duets together in church on Sundays. They had a few songs they would often sing together, and the words of those songs are deep in my heart. It was like they were opening their own hearts for me to see what was in them. Why do these songs resonate so deeply with me? Why did they shape my own heart? Because I saw my parents live them out. What they said (or sang in this case) was what I witnessed in their daily lives. So I listened.

One of they key lines in a song they used to sing is this:

When you can’t trace His hand . . . trust His heart

Today, that song came out of my heart and into my journal as I was reflecting on Moses’ mom and her faith in God. She didn’t know what the future held for Moses. She wasn’t able to control what would happen to him, or even how he was raised. But she trusted God’s heart.

This is my prayer for my baby. I recognize that I am not in control of how she will live her life. How she will be used by God. Even how long her life will be. I have to raise her with open hands, knowing that I am entrusted with a huge responsibility for this time, to instill in her my own faith in God and then live it out in front of her so she can understand.

Thank you God for the blessing of my little baby. She belongs to you. I know there will be times when I can’t see your hand and when things get really difficult. But I want you to know that I trust your heart. Ella’s life will be safer and more fruitful in your care than she ever would be in just mine.